Grady's Birth Story

"I do not care what kind of birth you have...a homebirth, scheduled cesarean, epidural hospital birth, or if you birth alone in the woods next to baby deer.
I care that you had options, that you were supported in your choices, and that you were respected." {January Harshe}

One of the many things I’ve learned during Grady’s pregnancy and birth is to let go of expectations. They have the ability to rob you of joy, especially when things don’t turn out the way you planned them.

He started off his journey journey as a big (and joyful) surprise - pregnant with a 6 month old! It wasn’t what we had planned, but we were excited our kids would be close together in age. His pregnancy started off with constant nausea throughout the first trimester, very similar to Annabelle’s pregnancy. Second trimester was blissful; my nausea had subsided, I quickly starting to show and had a new burst of energy. Throughout second trimester, Annabelle and I would frequently go on walks while I listened to an episode of The Birth Hour (a podcast where women share their childbirth stories).

The third trimester started with the new year which also meant my insurance was switching. We soon found out this meant we could no longer birth at Mercy’s Birthing Center (MBC). This was pretty devastating because we had such a wonderful experience there with Annabelle’s pregnancy and birth as well as the beginning of Grady’s pregnancy. Birthing there didn’t feel like you were in a hospital and a hospital birth was the last place I wanted to be. I did not want to fight hospital policies in order to have my dream - a natural and drug-free birth. Fortunately, God was at work and things ended up working out for the better.

Side Story (I promise it will tie in): I’d been pretty discouraged with the quality of medical care our family had been receiving. We hadn’t been super pleased with Annabelle’s pediatrician and I had to leave my wonderful primary care doctor with the insurance switch; all of this on top of having to leave the MBC. As I was searching for a new primary care doctor as well as a new OBGYN/hospital for Grady’s birth, I kept coming across Dr. Proffitt’s name on different natural birth Facebook groups. I eventually looked into her practice, Mosaic Family Medicine and immediately knew she would be a great fit! She was a family doctor that could act as my OBGYN, become the kids pediatrician as well as Josh and I’s primary care physician. I was overjoyed when we secured her as our new doctor when I was 30 weeks pregnant. Though we would have to deliver in a hospital setting at Missouri Baptist Medical Center, it seemed to be the best hospital to birth at if you wanted a natural birth (allowing things like intermittent fetal monitoring, eating and drinking in labor, delayed cord clamping, wearing my own clothes, immediate skin to skin, etc.).

The discomforts, pain and exhaustion of pregnancy grew as I got closer to the end and I was convinced I would go into labor early because Annabelle came a week before her due date. I made sure everything was in order and ready for baby by 36 weeks. I think I cleaned and nested everyday for two months straight. That last month of pregnancy was rough. All my expectations to go into labor kept getting crushed with each day that passed. I felt like I was living in constant disappointment.

Well 40 weeks came and went and nothing was happening. We tried lots of natural ways to get this baby out - red raspberry leaf tea, spicy food, fresh pineapple, bouncing on the exercise ball, walking a few miles everyday, using evening primrose oil. You name it, we tried it. I was starting to get worried that I would go to 42 weeks and have to be induced.

At 40 weeks and 6 days I went in for a non-stress test and decided that I would get my membranes swept. I figured 41 weeks was a good time to try something a little more “intense” to get things started, that way I had a week to start labor on my own before I had to be induced. So around noon on Friday 4/7 I got my membranes swept. I started having some cramping immediately afterwards.

When we got home from the appointment, Annabelle and I walked for a few miles and as always listened to an episode of The Birth Hour. The cramping continued into the evening so Josh and I took another walk after dinner which made the cramps stronger. We watched a movie that evening and went to bed around 10:30 pm. The cramping became more intense but I was able to fall asleep for a few hours.

I woke up around 1:00 am to Annabelle crying so I went into her room to rock her back to sleep. Throughout pregnancy whenever I would soothe her in the middle of the night, I always got a huge Braxton Hicks contraction - I guess all the baby snuggles got my love hormone, oxytocin pumping! Well I could definitely tell soothing her made my cramping pick up.

Once I got back in bed, I couldn’t fall asleep so I browsed Facebook for a bit. Suddenly I got a big contraction and I immediately knew something was different. I checked the clock to see the time and it was 1:38 a.m. I didn’t want to get too excited but a few minutes later, I was hit with another contraction, and then like waves they started to come one after the other. At 2:00 am I decided I would time them for 30 minutes to see if there was a pattern. Sure enough they were coming every 5 minutes. I woke Josh up to let him know that I thought labor had started, then we both fell asleep for a little bit to rest - which seemed to be much easier for Josh than me. Eventually the contractions became painful enough to get me out of bed. I needed to start moving with each wave. A pattern started and with each contraction I would hop out bed and lean against the pack n’ play as I swayed my hips back and forth. Around 4:30 am Josh got up and I decided to shower not knowing if I’d get a chance to shower later. The warm water was so relaxing.

After the shower Josh and I packed the rest of the hospital bag then went downstairs to eat breakfast. At 6:00 am I lost my mucus plug (the worst term in all of pregnancy!). I was pretty pumped to see it because I knew things were for real. We were having this baby soon! I called my wonderful Mom (seriously she’s the best!) to tell her to come over. We didn’t know how quickly things would pick up and we figured it would be nice to have my Mom watch Annabelle so we could focus on labor. My mom got to our house around 8:30 am and by that time my contractions had slowed down a bit. They weren’t quite as intense and were coming further apart. Josh and I went on a walk to help move things along and sure enough they picked back up! Once we get back home I decide to lay down and nap for about 45 min around 11:30 am. Unfortunately, contractions slowed down once again. I started to get pretty discouraged at this point because I felt like things had not grown any more intense since my first contraction and we were now coming up on 12 hours of labor.

At 2:00 pm I decide that I was going to try some nipple stimulation on the breastpump to get that oxytocin pumping and hopefully pick up the contractions. Boy did that work! Immediately after being on the pump for about 15 min I was hit with a really big and strong contraction. Finally! I made my way downstairs and let my Mom and Josh know things were getting more serious and I really needed them to be quiet when I’m having a contraction so I could give it my full attention. I set up a labor space at the kitchen table where I bounced on my ball while singing some worship songs (in between contractions of course!) and focused on my birth affirmation cards. “I relax my jaw, I quiet my mind, my body will open, my baby will come,” “But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength,” “The more I relax the easier this will be,” “I soften, open and release”.

After about an hour of sitting on the exercise ball, I lay down to rest in the sunroom. Contractions were coming on strong and I remember telling Josh for the first time that I’m not sure if I want to do this natural labor thing. Things were getting painful and I felt like I still had a long way to go. We decided together that we would wait it out and see how things went at the hospital. We also started playing around with the idea of leaving for the hospital soon. We had planned on going once I knew I was close to transition, but our home no longer became a place where I could rest and focus. There were way too many distractions with Annabelle running around.

It was about that time that labor also started to pick up. I got very shaky, contractions were getting more painful and I felt overwhelmed. We decided it was go time and called our birth team (Amanda - our wonderful doula, Ally - friend and birth photographer, and Dr. Proffitt) to let them know we were heading to the hospital. We left around 5:30 pm and got to the hospital around 6:00 pm. Laboring in the car is the worst by the way; I was very relieved when we finally arrived. My amazing friend, Allison greeted us when we got there to bring me some dinner. What a sweet part of labor it was to share with her as I attended her son’s birth only a few months prior.

Once we got check in and into our room, Dr. Proffitt checked me and I was 4 cm dilated. Hearing this was a pretty big blow because this was how far dilated I was when I went to the birth center during Annabelle’s labor and my biggest fear was that this labor would be just as long as hers (28 hours). I greatly hoped that things would be different.

When Dr. Proffitt left, a nurse came in and asked me medical questions and history for about 30 minutes. I don't understand why most of these questions couldn't have been asked prior to labor because I think it stalled things and got me out of my “labor zone”.

She left and I decided the tub sounded nice and relaxing. But before I got in, I had another short conversation with Josh about my doubts on doing a natural labor. He encouraged me to wait and try the tub because it might help relieve some of the intensity of contractions. He was right, the tub felt fantastic and I was able to relax.

After being in the tub about an hour, I asked Ally and Amanda to leave the room so I could talk to Josh. I decided that an epidural was the way to go. I knew my contractions were only going to grow more intense and this was not how I wanted to continue my labor. With Annabelle’s labor I waited and waited to ask for an epidural because I felt like a failure and didn’t want to let others down. I am proud of the women and mother I’ve become since then. I was able to advocate for myself and thoughtfully make an educated and informed choice in response to my labor without worrying about disappointing others. I was able to find my voice and ask for help. I remember drawing strength of a mom’s story from The Birth Hour who pioneered the natural to medicated birth journey. She said:

“I felt like I was totally spitting in the face of unmedicated childbirth and homebirth and this culture that I really loved and I really loved being a part of. But there was also something freeing about allowing myself to just say screw it I'm going in the hospital and I'm getting an epidural and I'm going to kick back and watch a movie because I think I found myself in this position where birth wasn't a religion anymore.” (Blythe Fike, The Birth Hour, episode 22).

Josh's support in this decision meant everything to me. He knows my heart extremely well and was able to perfectly express his love for me while helping me find complete confidence. When Ally and Amanda came back into the room, we told them our decision and Amanda’s first response was “Hell yeah!” I’m so grateful she took the time and got to know me before labor because this was exactly what I needed to hear. And my sweet, long-standing friend Ally reminded me that I was no less strong of a mother for wanting to get an epidural. I received nothing but absolute support and encouragement. I know this helped ease any shame or sense of failure I may have felt at the time.

Dr. Proffitt wanted to check me once more before they called the anesthesiologist just in case I was further along than I thought. In my mind I decided if I was above a 7, I would wait another hour but if I wasn’t progressed that far then I would say the epidural was a go. I was at 6 cm so we went forward with our decision. The epidural was a breeze. We had an outstanding nurse anesthetist that gave me the world's best epidural! With Annabelle’s epidural I couldn't feel anything. Though the pain was gone: I couldn't feel or move my legs; I couldn't feel the pressure of her moving down; and I couldn't feel when I pushed. It was as if her birth happened to me. With this epidural I was able to move around and switch positions. I couldn't feel pain, but I could feel when I was having a contraction and pressure as he moved down the birth canal. These were awesome sensations to experience since I didn't get to have them with my previous labor.

Though labor became pretty uneventful after the epidural was placed in around 10:00 pm, the entire night basically reminded me of a high school sleepover. Me, Josh, Amanda, Ally and occasionally our nurse and Dr. Proffitt stayed up talking, laughing and eating (well they did, not me) as we all waited in anticipation for our baby. It was my favorite part of labor to share with people I loved and loved me.

Around midnight I was told by my nurse that I was complete and would be ready to push soon, but unfortunately when Dr. Proffitt checked me she said I was still at 8 cm. This was not cool, people. I can't imagine what this would have done to me mentally if I had still been going all natural!

At one point early Sunday morning I switched positions and Grady's heart rate dropped to 73. Eventually our nurse gave me medicine which slowed down my contraction. The medicine worked - his heart rate went back to normal, but my contractions fizzled out for about 4 hours causing some slow labor progression.

Finally at around 4:00am on Sunday, Dr. Proffitt checked me again and I was at a 9 with a cervical lip and bulgy water bag. She suggested that I try giving a small push to see if that would move the cervical lip and almost immediately after pushing, my water broke. Things progressed very quickly from there. I started feeling A TON of increasing pressure and soon got into a hands and knees position to push. Around 5:00 am I start pushing and it felt amazing! I felt in complete control and was able to feel him slowly move down. Soon I was able to feel his head. I couldn't stop smiling in between contractions knowing we were about to meet our baby. After a really big push I got his head out! This is when things started to get really intense. Dr. Proffitt must have quickly realized he had shoulder dystocia (where baby's shoulders get stuck on the pelvic bone). I'm so grateful for her because she didn't bring fear or panic into a potentially scary and dangerous situation, but stayed calm and yet was still able to communicate to me that things were serious and we needed to get the baby out as soon as possible. And man did I push and pray, “God help me get him out!” I don't know if I've ever given my all to anything like that in my life! What sweet, sweet relief it was to feel his body exit mine - it was a high like no other!

Our Grady David was born at 5:31 am on 4/9/17.

It must have been in a half of a second that I went from complete elation to realizing my baby wasn't being handed to me and hadn’t started crying. I turned around to find Dr. Proffitt and two other nurses rubbing him down to try and get him to cry because he was stunned after a somewhat traumatic entry into the world. After a few seconds of just staring at him, Amanda gently told me to talk to him. I'm so grateful to her because I felt like I was able help my baby in a seemingly helpless moment. A couple of excruciatingly long minutes later, he let out his cry! He was soon placed through my legs and I was able to hold my baby!

This moment. The best feeling in all the world. After months and days and hours and minutes of waiting, he was finally here in my arms. Right where he should be. And just like that we became a family of four. You were worth the wait. Over and over again. We love you so much, Grady.